One of the hardest parts of losing my sight wasn’t learning to use a white cane or giving up driving. It wasn’t adapting to new technology or finding different ways to read.
It was losing my financial independence.
In New Zealand, many disability supports are assessed not on the disabled person’s circumstances alone, but on the income of their partner. We still pay tax as individuals. We don’t suddenly become one financial entity when it comes to Inland Revenue. Yet when it comes to accessing disability support, the system effectively treats us as one.
It’s a contradiction that is difficult to explain until you live it.
People often refer to it as the “love tax”. I understand why, but I think the real cost isn’t measured in dollars. It’s measured in dignity.
When your support disappears because you happen to be in a relationship, the message is subtle but unmistakable: your independence no longer matters.
I don’t want Shelley to become my welfare system. She’s my partner.
Those are not the same thing.
I count myself fortunate. My relationship with Shelley has not suffered under the weight of this system. If anything, it has made us appreciate each other even more.
Our finances are another story.
We get by, but only because of sacrifices, careful budgeting, and money I have borrowed that I will, in all likelihood, never be able to repay. I know that many others are not so fortunate. For some, financial dependence places enormous strain on relationships that were already carrying the weight of disability.
The hardest part isn’t the debt itself.
It’s what it does to your sense of self.
I’ve worked all my life. I’ve paid taxes. I’ve contributed to my community. Yet because I share my life with someone I love, I am expected to depend on her income rather than receive support based on my own disability and my own circumstances.
No one chooses to lose their sight. No one should have to lose their independence as well.
We are taxed as individuals because society recognises us as individuals.
Yet when disability support is assessed, that individuality disappears.
Somewhere between those two systems, a person stops being seen as a person and becomes someone else’s responsibility.
That, more than anything, is what needs to change.
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